Awaken to Loneliness
by Raven Solas Hallow
Summary: Starrk is struggling to come to terms with what he is. Can Lillynette help or is she his way of escaping the truth. Told from Starrk's point of view. *you might want to read filling the void or you might not get this as well-


The sands of the desert type landscape glow faintly from the moon's constant light. The scent of copper hung in the air as specks of crimson fall onto the iridescent particles. Another drop splatters onto the ground as jagged rock meets flesh. The crystal like stone glistened in the man's hand as he brought it back to his skin. Instant regeneration had long stop working to reverse the damage done. The need for this….The need for something to tell him that he was alive in this world. Condemned to be trapped in his world of solitude where everything perishes once within range of his spiritual pressure.

Indifferent

Miserable

Pathetic

Solus

He was alone because he was too strong too powerful. He envied the weak that have strength in numbers, but what did he have, nothing. Power is loneliness. Loneliness is darkness,sadness, cold,foreboding emptiness...hollow.

...

Alone that is all that I was until you came into my are a part of myself. A part that could not be replaced; comprised of all of my greatest traits.

A spark of hope, a purpose to continue living in this empty wasteland. No one could understand the feelings I have towards you. This isn't heaven and it's too dark and cold to be hell but in this limbo of the in between you're the angel that saved me. In a since my better half saved the darker side, you're my instinct to survive to live and they wouldn't understand what it would be like if I lost you.

You are a piece of paradise made from my soul. I will never be alone again...I am not I anymore. I became we, we are not alone, we have each other.

Lilynette the first thing I thought of when I saw you and even now as you lay there sleeping I can't help but to feel happiness. Even now when I feel the end nearing, the thing that stirs is the thought of losing you.

I received word to go to the meeting room. Aizen-sama had summoned his espada for a late night meeting.

Upon entering the room I take my seat and stay silent putting on a facade of sleep in order to eavesdrop on the other conversations that are going on around me. I'm surrounded by others, they're strong, but even when they're here , even when we talk I still feel alone when I'm away from you.

The leader, Aizen-sama, walks in a few moments later followed by Tousen, and Gin.

Our leader wants power ,he doesn't realize it's lonely being at the top.

He wants to be God so bad that he's isolated himself, cutting all ties and surrounding himself with monsters that want to see him fall. All for the sake of power, tossing away everything he's worked for, for some war he's declared against his friends.

I've noticed that when we're not around each other I can feel you start to fade away.

I enter the room and notice that you're awake. Despite you trying to suffocate me with a pillow I can't help but smile at your spark of spirit. Sighing I tell you the news and like normal you're ready to go. I can't say I feel the same way.

Flopping down on the bed I pretend to sleep, but watch as you come closer to reprimand me on my laziness. Once you're within reach I grab your arm and pull you flush to my chest. "Let's get some sleep Lillynette." I rumble out feeling a lot more relaxed than I have in a long time. I feel you stop struggling. "Starrk, what's wrong?" I hear you whisper, uncertainty is heavy in your voice. "Nothing mi corazon, nothing."

I waited until you fell asleep. Looking down I knew I felt something towards you. Like how a father would feel towards his daughter, protective.

I woke up early to prepare for the battle. I tried to slip out and leave you here where you would be safe but you would have none of that.

I tried to make you stay.

.

.

.

.

To say I was relieved that the white haired captain refused to fight you is an understatement.

.

.

.

My fight with his friend and fellow captain was a bit harder than I anticipated. I didn't think when you offered to merge back together. I shouldn't have let that happen. I didn't realize that I could lose you like that but once I could feel your presence anymore all the bad memories came back.

When we became I.

All the loneliness, despair, self hate.

But...

At the same time it felt like I woke up for the first time. The darkness is ending and I'm finally awake.

.

.

.

It took losing you to wake up and see exactly what I've been afraid of seeing.

I just want to apologize Lilynette for not being able to protect you. I wanted to hide you from the cruelties that we are subjected to for being what we-what I am. I always envied the weak for being the way that I wanted to be but even now I am alone. In this world where everything is meant to be broken and separate. All along I just want to know who I really am.

I finally know who I am.

I am the embodiment

of

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

loneliness.


End file.
